Sunday afternoons without Mom

Today I did what I have done for years: Pack up and leave the farm the day after an Aggie football game......after my friends leave to return wherever [today Lou and Debra drove back to Tulsa]. but unlike my fall Sunday's for decades, I wasn't leaving to drive to my parents house on Chanitlly Lane to take my Mom to lunch. She is not sitting there on the blue couch, all dressed up with her purse sitting on her lap, waiting for me to take her somewhere different, or to one of our favorites, to give her a little glimpse of the outside world she had missed since being diagnosed with macular degeneration years ago. She so looked forward to these outings, and I so looked forward to catching up with her, and discussing the pros and cons of how the Aggies played, and giving her my undivided attention that she was so in need of. Ironically I did end up going over to her house, now empty of all signs of her occupancy, in order to sign some additional documents to list and sell the house. About halfway back to Houston the memories and sadness overwhelms me....and when driving into the driveway of her house I realize just how final the step I am about to take actually is. What I would give to take Mom out on one more of our Sunday dates. What I would give to turn back the clock a year so I could do some things differently. What I would give to be able to go Christmas tree shopping with her one more time and decorate her little tree and make her house so festive. But it's not to be, as this chapter in my life and in the life of my family, shuts tightly and with finality.